There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
