4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize