Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
