Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
