This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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