I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
