thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
