woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
