Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize