I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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