She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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