My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
