did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
