last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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