your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
