nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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