Only a mothe r could love this liver
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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