And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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