Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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