Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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