I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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