ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
