Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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