i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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