I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize