You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
