Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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