Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
