one might say we're banned from that church
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
