he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
