What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
