She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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