the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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