could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
