The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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