i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
