She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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