so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
