The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
