Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
