he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
