sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
