Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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