He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
