oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
