So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
