Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
