the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
