I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize