I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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