my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
