that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
