I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
