this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
