There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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