Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
