So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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