mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
