Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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