She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's get the cat blown out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
