I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
