I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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