My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
