take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
