I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
