i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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