Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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