So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
