her facebook's as public as her vagina
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
