you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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